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Saturday, December 9th, 2006
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holy crap.
i haven't updated this thing in F O R E V E R. andi know why.
because i forgot my password thing...
anyhow.
even tho i love LJ and i have had this thing forever.
i have two new blogs.
that i use now.
i had to make one for school - my 'professional' photoblog is
www.kbminton.blogspot.com
and then my other dickaround/photo/personal blog is www.kbminton.wordpress.com
its kind of a funny story. about those.
but blogger is the website we had to use for school and wordpress was what were going to have to use...and i'm a nerd and so now i have two.
anyhow.
check those to keep up with me all you livejournal friends!!!
<3 perhaps i might start posting on here again!
i almost forgotten how to use it, its changed so much.
anyhow.
my life has chanaged alot since i've last posted on here too.
so check up on the updates on wordpress and such.
my sn is still doubleXexposure.
soo
WHATUP!<3
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Thursday, January 19th, 2006
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| Time: | 9:25 pm. |
| Mood: | itchy. | | Music: | tv. |
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okay
well we have like 5 assignments and we got one really cool one today
and yyeaaaa.
its awesome
i played in the darkroom for almost 4 hours today. i printed human scale assignment, irene's assignemnt and the cool assignment from kevin we got today.
i have to shoot this weekend for object lighting.. its a technical assignment.
dustin is coming down this weekend.. cus my car won't be done til next wednesday (ihope) and then i was going to go down to charlotte NEXT weekend but autopassion is playing and my friend ben is having a party so i am going to those. and so that is why i want dustin to come up here... so next week on thursday i get outta class @ 12:30
and i am going to go get my mom.. and then we are going to go down to charlotte and get my car.
and i dont wanna be in the car for and 1 hour and 1/2 with my mom cus i know she will ask me a billion question and blahblah. she already asked me if dustin and i were sleeping together last weekend on the phone and i said "what do you mean sleeping together?" haha .. she was like nevermind. i dont know.
but i dont know what i'd tell her.. i might tell her maybe once or something. if she asks about sex. i dont know. whatever.
anyhow...
he is coming down tomorrow night. up. down. whatever.
mike got arrested for speeding on his bike. ran. crashed. and is lucky to be alive. and i am kind glad NOT to be with him anymore. he seems to be going DOWN hill. and dustin has MASSIVELY help me get over mike... get over..? see that there is more to life than missing an ex that broke my heart.
i am falling into LOOOOVEE with dustin and its pretty much amazing. i think my rents like him and that is good. i want them to get to know him better. and i want to get to know his family better.
so the weekend AFTER next. charlotte time.
and i am NEVER parking in that parking spot again that i did @ dustins apt
but i can't wait to get away from asheboro really. for a weekend
its nice. i mean i like it but.. it will be nice to get away to dustin's place. and see socrates!! i love his cat. <3
i want a cat BAD.
wahhh.
oh well.
i think i am going to go take a bath or something <33333
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Monday, January 16th, 2006
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| Time: | 3:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | watching pete&pete. |
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this weekend was great.
dustin did get to come.
and stayed and hide and seek was AMAZING
saturday we went to gboro. i got short circut and the second season of pete&pete. hurraahh. and i am watching it right now.
dustin left today around noon. it was sadness.
but this weekend was revelutionary.
it was good. words were spoken that needed to be said. its all happening fast, but its great. it just feels SO natural.
david came over and hung out today.
tyler was here. they went to get cori some markers @ straight A.
but haven't seemed to get back here yet.
i Need to go take the recycling. but i am watching pete & pete so i will do it later.
i also need to shower. but the guy came to fix it today and has been doing so since.... like 10:30.. we thought it was fixed and it wasn't.. i tried to shower but then we didn't have ANY hot water. i also need to walk down to the gant and get some cigs.. which i might do in a hot mintue.
but, imout.
i miss dustin already.
but we'll deal.
PS. I <33♥pete & pete.
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Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
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| Subject: | ache |
| Time: | 9:37 pm. |
| Mood: | gloomy. | | Music: | iris - goo goo dolls. |
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school is going well... i have a feeling this semester is going to be hard. but good. i just have to stay focused and work hard... and working hard i can do. i am very persistant with my photography. i want good grades.
and i miss dustin horribly and seeing cori and will and hearing her giggle and them kiss and all that.. it just makes me miss him 10x over.
it is almost making me bitter.. it just isn't fair.
i want him NOW. i want to be able to giggle. and laugh and smile with my love.
i want to be able to kiss him. WHENEVER I WANT.
jesus. my heart aches..
i really hope this distance doesn't kill us
i really hope not.
and dustin's great aunt isn't doing well and she could get better or worse at anytime and they think she might die soon... so he MIGHT not be able to come down this weekend. and that would be awful but i want to be there for him if anything happens.. i will BE in charlotte if he needs me.
it is getting so bad, i would pretty much do anything for this boy.
" i just dont wanna miss you tonight....
and i dont want the world to see me, cus i dont think they'd understand.
when everything is made to be broken.. i just want you to know who i am...."
man. i miss him.. it actually feels good to miss someone again
but it sucks @ the same time.
oh yea! last sunday
mike called me and told me
HE JOINED THE MARINES! WTFFFFFFFFFFFF! and i told him i had a boyfriend.. he asked who he was and all that..
and the more i think about it.. the more different dustin is from mike. and i like that actually.
he is more artsy, creative and gentlemenly. NO COMPARIING KATIE! wahhh. oh well. but he is mine and he seems like the guy i've been "searching" for...
we have so much in common and we are both so hopelessly romantic. i love it.
edit//this is us. this picture is us. after i went through my dell and finding out the my old keyboard doesn't work anyomore? so. whatever. i got them to dustin and get got them back to me. and this one is US. this is how we are.
that is US. Dustin and I.
<3
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Monday, January 9th, 2006
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| Subject: | school. |
| Time: | 2:28 pm. |
| Mood: |  anxious. | | Music: | intergalatic - beastie boys. |
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first day back @ RCC. and i am iN love with it again.. in materials and processes - second part to irenes fundamentals of photo.
we do lots of chemistry. math. science and even some physics! woot.. but yea.. she asked what K was and i was like potassium. haha and she wrote an equation on the overhead about silver, oxygen, sulifide, etc.. and i was like. i can read that.. i am excited about it, cus i love chemistry i can't wait. i just hope i can do it.
keep up. you know. a lot ofpeople fail materials and processes so i hope i can do well. but anyhow. first day went well.. i missed everyone. got a few people back from last year in our class. so that is neat.
i also took my concerta today for the first time since before xmas break and i feel like i am on crack or something. i am massively worrying and what not. its ridculous. like i am worried about all this with dustin.. that past week has been like unreal. and now i dont see him for 5 days and i wanna make sure we see eachother/have time for one another. but we CANT see each other during the week because of the distance anyhow.. so that works out. and i dont really anything on the weekends for school cept shoot.. ican't do anything else. so yea.. im not too worried about that. but i dont know. i am just worried, cus school comes first. for both of us and i just dont want that break us up (we just started going out and i'm already worried about that. JESUS) whatever. anyhow.. i think it will all work out. its too early to tell... we just have such good chemistry. so. i think it will be fine.. i just worry.. i know i will be @ school all the time and dustin says he is too.. so. i think we will be okay. its probably good that he lives in charlotte since we are always at school all the time...i mean he doesnt mind coming up here to see me and i won't mind going down there.. so i think we will be quite okay. i dont need someone i can see everyday.. i might end up getting sick of them. or clingy(again) + distance makes the heart grow fonder. soooo EVERYTHING WILL BE GREAT!!
i need to listen to that quote that is on my myspace... i need to know my own worth. we both want to have an adult relationship. no bullshit... like trust issues and stupid shit like getting all fucking nuts if he didn't call me or something. too much worryness and silliness with that. but i think it will all work out great... i just need to QUIT worrying. DAMN.
but cori living here is fantastic. i LOVE IT.
its the greatest.
but i actually have math homework to do. blek! i just got THREE books and it cost me $222.. WHAT!
wannnnhhh..
hide & seek plays sunday. HOTNESSS and no school next monday. dustin is coming up this weekend andwe are all gunna go see hide&seek.YES.
the rest of this week should be good. i'm excited about school and it keeps me busy from missing dustin which is good. it will be G R E A T.
okay.
toodaloo.<3
ps. I'll STIRFRY YOU IN MY WOK!
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Friday, January 6th, 2006
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he is coming back.
he left on thursday AM. and is on his way now <3
i can't wait to see Dustin again...
heheheeheh.
we are ridculous.
i am sitting here with cori&will watching SLC punk... will is making us food..
annddd dustin is here <3333333
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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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| Time: | 3:03 pm. |
| Mood: |  happy. | | Music: | everytime i die - l'astronaut. |
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 HE is mine. <3
and he is cute, smart, funny and TALENTED <3 mineminemine. C. Dustin OVERCASH. <3 Mah Charlotte BOYYYY. =]
hurraaaaaaaaaaah. only bad thing about this weekend is that my car got
SMASHED in his apartment parking lot... by some drunk ass idiot. this
white truck was parked next to me, and the car that was flying drunkass
moron hit the truck SO hard that it hit mine.. and bounced it up on to
a curb and bent my driverside back wheel underneath... and fucked
up my suspension.. . whatever. and killed my passenger side brake
light.. it S U C K S. buuutttt. my car will probably hopefully be fixed
sometime this month. so hurrah.
but on the whole NOTE of dustin.... mmm he = wonderful.. and this weekend has been the best weekend ever.
we are so fucking cute. it will make you throw up and we are so sweet it will make your teeth hurt.
HA.
bitch.
he has and is everything i have been "searching" for... mmmmm. YES. amazement.
well i think i am done.. til next time <3456789
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Monday, December 12th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:15 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. | | Music: | my favorite- badge. |
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wow.
its been a L O N G time.
i've been busy with school.
i adore RCC. and i'm doing well. im usually ahead of the game ne how.
ive made out with more people than i should have since mike..
and i still miss him, love him and miss having him in my life.. i have random crys about it.
and i called him tonight and talked to him. and i haven't gotten a straight answer -- and i won't.
its been like 4 months. oh well. straight answer as why he broke up with me.. whatever.
i've been talking to sean griffin.. and before him this girl rosie.
and rosie didn't work out. and now we are kinda talking about. and sean wants to focus on school next semester.
I D O NOT knoW! BELH!
i just want to keep my options open. but i want to be with sean too.
and i want to leave my options open to anyone knew who might come along.. but i still wanna be with SOMEONE. you know?
damn its weird. i have never had options before.
i dont know. i dont wanna get hurt. i dont wanna fuck anyone over. whatever.
i just dont wanna miss any opprtunititys. how ever the FUCK you spell that.
i dont know how many there will be ALSO? so i'm like BELH.. i'm sick of being lonely and having no one to be romantic with.
it makes me s a d.
well see what happens.. maybe i'll updatemore.
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Thursday, September 8th, 2005
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| Time: | 4:25 pm. |
| Mood: | gloomy. | | Music: | rilo kiley - don't deconstruct. |
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im getting my tattoo done tomorrow.
my mom is coming with me.
that thing @ the werehouse isn't until sunday.
sooo i'm free tomorrow night. im eating with my family.
i want to see mike so bad, but at the same time i really dont.
its going to be SO sad and SO hard and its going to be sooooooooo just depressing.
i dont want to face it..
i'm kinda sad now.
i get sad after school for some reason. i'm like all alone.
i dont knowwwwwwww. what is going on tonight. i'm leaving tomorrow late morning early afternoon.
im getting my tat done @ 1. my mom is coming with me.
so hopefully it won't take too long.
everyone is off doing something.
maybe i'll paint.
cry.
eat.
who knows?
will & i might hang out tonight..
the cook out was good last night. i met a lot of peoples.
schools getting better.
we got our first assignment.
gray card.
due in like 3 weeks.
i dont know whatima do.
i should maybe work on something for english or something.. i dont know really have much.
i dont know.
i might go shoot some photos... i have to finish a roll of 35mm. i'ma take it home & get it developed.
woot.
whatever.
im out.
♥
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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:31 pm. |
| Mood: |  depressed. | | Music: | iron & wine - upward over the mountain. |
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it just hit me again.
hard.
i found notes from mike in my wallet.
i forgot they were there......... promising if we grow old together that we will still say i love you and mean it and that we will always look deep into each others eyes.......
telling me forever isn't long enough.
it fucking still isn't..........
god my heart.
i hope this heals soon.
i've learned though.
i deserved this break up.
i took him for granted but at the same time i knew what we had was amazing and priceless...
its hard to explain in words.........
but i feel that the only way i could have realized what i had been doing and how i wasn't being the best girlfriend is to have been broken up with, yes we didn't communicate well enough. but i think something like this took me to really realize what was going on... i didn't see it.
i can't believe it.. i did but i didnt.
its so hard to explain..
but.
wow.
this weekend was good.
school is getting more interesting and we get our first assignment tomorrow.
there is a cook out @ this second year guy named tylers house.
which ill probably go to.
but its just been blah.
i'm going home friday..
friday night i'm going to that art thing @ the werehouse.. will has some pieces in it.
and then work 12-5 saturday ( back in kvegas - i'm excited and also not so much excited about that)
and 12-6 sunday.
and then back here... saturday after work i'm getting my second tattoo done. alone i guess.
and then i'm hopefully going to hang out with Brian.
i haven't seen him in FOREVER.
it will be good to see a few old friends.. hopefully i can see Josh too.
might happen, might not.
but.
it will be weird being at home.. i miss my puppies so much!
and my house.
but yea.... i am comfy here now.. and i like hanging out all the time with my friends. but i guess it will be good to get away for a while.. i probably need it.
but.... yea.
i needed that cry really bad.
i just need to be strong and i've been REALLY fucking positive about all this, its fucking freaking me the fuck OUT.
yea fuck. so anyhow.
its good but i dont know why i am being that.. i think i'm trying to kind of HIDE it but not really mask it. i'm just trying to deal with it. its easier since we are so far away..and i asked mike if i'd see him this weekend, he said maybe... he'd like to.
it will be.
SO
HARD.
i will like only be able to hug him.
maybe he'll realize how much this hurts - i know it hurts him too... but i def think its a bit worse for me and i think he agrees.
but i will just cry.
too much.
hopefully he doesn't come see me at work.
i dont know what is going to happen, my mom thinks i shouldn't see him and i probably shouldn't.
but its just.. i want to so bad. i want to hug him and be in his arms again........
god..
i miss them.
i miss him so much..........
wow
ok.
i'm out.
edit// cori didn't come over today. she has her internship in winston.. so that is probably why i am getting all sad. nothing to occupy me.
i got sad yesterday while she was napping too.. its when i realized a lot of things.
so.
but yea.
not as sad.. i'm like bawling today.
it has been aw hile since i've cried.. at least since friday or saturday.
but whatever. i've been keeping busy.
im out again.
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Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
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this weekend was actually pretty good.
thursday night we drank. tyler, david, adam, will & me.
friday night i think we did too? cori, will & me
and saturdaynight we got FUCKED up. will me & cori
i dont know. but i NEVER do that kind of thing & it was good.
cori was here all weekend. this is the first night she is @ home since friday.
but i've been trying to keep my mind off the break up.
and its been working for the most part...
i get real sad when i'm alone but right now i'm not too bad.. will just left a bit ago tho.
he has cheered me up a lot.
i kinda have a mini crush on that kid... but its good to have a circle of friends...
cori & will are my circle of friends. nad i LOVE THEM.
school tomorrow should be interesting. we didn't have class today b/c of labor day.
me & cori did NOTHING all day but watch ripleys believe it or not. which was sweet. and we napped
andd then we walked downtown & didn't wanna walk back so we went to 242 cafe and got some water.. for free, which almost didnt happen.
and then some chic there gave us a ride back! lol we didn't ask, but they offered. it was sweet. lol
ti wasn't too far. maybe a mile if that.
but it was cool.
i talked to mike yesterday.. he says he misses me.. and talking to me & that he still cares deeply for me.
that is good. and i still do the same.
i have lots of things to do when i go home next weekend.
work. dur.
get my next tattoo.
hang out with brian and other friends if possible.
PUPPIES!( i get to see them. i'm so excited. i can't wait to see how big lucy is)
bring down my haircolor & photo stuff.
yea.................
and friday night i'm going to the werehouse to see art exibit - will donated some prints, they go to the hurricane relief.
so that should be cool.....
but ima go.
night ♥
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Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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this is pretty much all my fault.
i said to him last night. which i shouldnt have called him anyhow.
are my actions ( being a jerk, i guess) is what caused you to loose those feelings of love for me?
he said yea pretty much..
how can you decide on that in about 3 or 4 days.
.........
i pretty much dug myself this hole. and it FUCKING SUCKS.
seriously.
i dont know what i did.. but i want to do anything to get it back.
this hurts more than anything i've ever even imagined.
i woke up this morning and it was just like......it happened all over again.
i still wear the promise ring he gave me.......
i still cherish it all.
i wonder if he'll keep the shirts, the cards and everything i gave him.
omg.
this is so incredibly painful.
i need a fucking cigarette.
not like that will make it hurt any less..
but i just can't do this.
this just fucking sucks.
everyone is telling me it will be okay, it will hurt less through time and that i'm strong and i'll make it.
but it just sucks... like i hate laughing and smiling about simple things when inside just feel dead, and lifeless.
its weird....
cori was with me here pretty much all day yesterday but going to bed last night was horrible.
and waking up wasn't so great either....
will from school. i saw this kid all the time during the summer and i just recently added him on myspace..
we talked here and there.. he is slowly becoming a good friend. he came over last night & that cheered me up a bit. and my parents did come down yesterday and that helped some.
i really havent eaten.
i ate about 3 chicken fingers last night.
and 1/2 a granola bar this morning.
im not hungry.
and if i was and was to eat, i'd probably throw up.
i can't do this.
there are only a few good things that will come out of this.
i might loose weight.
and i could smoke pot i guess. i dont know if thats really good. that was a promise i made him, that i wouldn't.
and i could date who ever. which wont happen for a VERYVERYVERY long time.
and it will hopefully make me a stronger person
bad things to come out of this besides a horrible crushed bruised broken heart..
i will probably start smoking.
i will probably cry a lot everyday for about a month or longer.
i wont have very much motivation to do anything for a long time.
i wont go anywhere.
EVERYTHING will make me thing of him.
i just want him back..
thats just it.
i got out of class early.
i dont have class til 11 now.
seriously.
EVERYTHING. songs, foods, surfing, certian shows on tv, jokes, some of my teeshirts..grape anything. jujubees, mike&ikes, movie theaters, the beach, chicken wings, he is everywhere in my room. photos and all.
the sky.
the stars.
the moon. the sun.
he said i was his moon and stars.. his night sky.
god.
sunsets....
everything just fucking sucks.
.i'm trying to be strong and trying to think of otherthings but its just always lingering.
ok.
i need a smoke.
..............
god help me. PLEASE.
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Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
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| Time: | 2:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  indescribable. | | Music: | iron & wine. |
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he called back.
he says he regrets it.
but he doens't love me like that anymore..
THEN how can we get back together if we're meant to be?
i just dont understand.
its just.
so hard.
he says me being a jerk was part of what changed his feelings..
which i understand. how that is possible. but i told him... when he told me that i've been being a jerk.
that i would try and fix it. i aplogized like 741858520 times and he gave me like a week. he didnt even give me a week.
this is just. i can't.
everyone is telling me i can get through this.
b ut ijust feel like nothing right now.
i'm looking at his pictures, his words in the cards he has given me.
iasked him if he wanted his jewerly back. he said for me to keep it.
HE GAVE ME A PRE-PROMISE RING.
some promise.
god damnit.
his words dont mean shit now.
omg.
why?
i dont get it.
i do at the same time.
maybe time.
will heal me.
he told me not to wait for him when i asked him if i should wait for him.
this is over. i can't believe this.
i'm bitter yet completely broken hearted and yearning for him at the same time.
its horrible..
i dont know what to do.
all i can do is cry, moan and just be reminsint and cry more.
god.
cori needs to get here.
my parnets are being really good about it.
they asked if they needed to come down tonight, and we have beer so i said no..
but if i REALLY need them. i will have them come down.
there is nothing stopping him from moving to wilmington now.
nothing.
he said he doesn't know if he is or not now.
i'm like what, you have nothing to loose. go for it. meet a nice girl, get married & have kids.
i'll be a fat, poor chain smoker.
god.
i dont want to be single the rest of my life. or a swinger even.
i love him so much.
i can't do this.
if i dont start a smoking habit because of this, i'll be amazed.
fuck running.
omg.
i just blerghaioerh anw tryahwet t
.
nothing
................................
he said he just doesnt feel that way about me, yet he wants to still be friends & hang out.
HOW!
how will i handle that
?!
omg
i need to go.
smoke.
cry.
something.
god help me. PLEASE.
please help me get through this.
i can't even.
what?
i want him back so bad.
i dont even know what to do.
things i think of to say, i can't even remember.
i wanted to have CHILDREN with him.
i still do.
how is this going on? i dont understnad.
this is just aomawretiyg
i need to go.
i think i'll have my parents come down tonight. i need them really bad.
okay.
bye?
so its pretty much my own fault that he broke up with me.
cus me being a jerk was what changed his feelings so he says... he says he has changed and i have.
i just dont get it.
i asked him if he meant that brand my heard.. forever yours.
and he said he did..
and just that.
he has been thinking about it all weekend.
he has been bummed out for like a month.. questioning his feelings for me.
and i dont know.
i just wish i could change time.
i hope everything happens for a reason?
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he is gone.
he is no longer mine.
i can't believe this happening. i'm like hyper ventalating.
omg.
omg..........
WHY?!!!!!!!!!?
Mike broke up with me. omg.
awygihaert yawtr 4whyyyyyyyy
he says we've both changed.. and that he just doesn't "feel that way" anymore.. he still loves me... and he still wants to be best friends.. but it just wont tbe the same.
i still want to be his fucking wife...
this isn't happeneing.
whywaet ioawriotb awryg WHY!
he started off the converstation.. i asked him when he was here friday if he he still meant
*I can taste them as they burn my lips and brand my heart, forever yours* - Mike <3 ~11*27*03~ *
he said yes.
he said no he didn't anymore.
today.
and how. how the fuck can you just STOP feeling like that about someone?!!!
he said he just .. he just... we've juts changed.
i know i haven't been the greatest lately. and i'm trying to change and he said the longer he waited the longer it would hurt.
i dont get it..
i just dont understand.
why??
omg.
my heart,
its gone.
he still keeps it.
if we're meant to be then we'll get back together.
that is what he told me.
he says he still loves me... as a friend and all this stuff.
this is just fucking ridculous.
i just cant do this
i just CANNOT do it..
this is just not happeneing.
everything is telling me..
this JUST happened.
alex says "to be strong and i can get through it"
my mom is saying that i can get through this and being strong.
yea.
right.
well i hope so.
but i doubt that for a long time.
i can't do this now.
i have fucking school..
and all that stress..
omg.
ritha'rtoi hart
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
enough.
i have to go.
i just can't believe this is happening.
i want to be his wife still.
omg.
my heart is gone.
it is GONE.
broken.
omg.
aha'ioewthawrg hrewtb art
ryrey omg
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Monday, August 29th, 2005
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| Time: | 9:54 am. |
| Mood: | depressed. | | Music: | daily show is on. |
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i just woke up in not a great mood.
i wanted to go running this morning but i was too tired & didn't...
tyler, david, rhiannion and adam were all here when i went to bed.
david left.
they didn't go to sleep.
it kinda buggs me. cus i have to live with adam and he is already an asshole.
i dont know. i'm still kinda up tight about stuff... he doesn't have class today, its just i'm worried about his well being.
i dont know. i really do need to calm down though..
and mike is going to wilmington to look for a job today.
omg. i can't handle that shit....
that is TOO far away, i dont wanna hold him back though.....but at the same time i'm just like NOOOOOOO, dont leave me. which is kinda whatever.
i've started to take st. johns wort & it helps quite a bit.
tyler kept calling me a bitch last night, i made him a killer pbj sandwich. and i mean, they call me names and whatever. its joking.. but it still hurts.
i dont know.
i need to make some of my own fucking friends.
seriously.
cori is my only friend down here & she lives in HP.
Jess is always busy.
and Brooke is there too..
but its just like bleh
i dont know. i just need to focus on me right now..
i also need to go shower right now <3
i need to B R E A T H E.
my parents came down saturday night... it was great to see them actually. along with my nephew. they took me out to eat and that was nice and now i have cable in my room!!! hurrah! my dad got a cable amplitfer. so hurray...
my mom is so supportive of me and helping me out.. and its so.. like i haven't even been this close to her before.. and it feels good. but at the same time i dont wanna go home just yet because i miss it so much. i miss my puppies and my bed and just HOME....
i want to live alone...
everything would be how i wanted it to be. no bullshit.but whatever. i need to learn to live with people.
and adam is hard to live with kind of.
i mean he is considerite when i sleep and he somewhat does his part.. but he is arrogent and just.. annoying. asshole sometimes.
i'm sure i'm annoying too. but whatever i need to loosen up & quit being so concerned with his bullshit and his life.
this is mine.
and i need to live it.
ok.
shower..
toodaloo
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Thursday, August 25th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:25 pm. |
| Mood: |  accomplished. | | Music: | shame on you - hothotheat<3. |
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i finally got my chinese lanterns put up.
i'm excited.
i should take pictures of my room here.
mmmm.
anyhow.
i'm feeling a little better now.
Mike is coming tomorrow! ♥♥♥
i'm actually STARTING to get comfy.
i feel in control of things RIGHTNOW. so that is good.
i feel accomplished for putting those lanterns up.
this day didn't start off great at all.
i woke up. went to the bathroom to pee.. and there is this brown water stain on the floor coming from my cabinet under the sink... so i open them.
its flooded. my FIVE doublerolls of TP are SOAKED. complete. i could SQUEEZE SOO much water from them.
adam shaved this morning. in his 1/2 bath.
that made it flood like that. seriously it was just like WATER like a cenitmetere or 2 of water on the cabinet "floor"..
it SUCKED.
i was like.. this is the last fucking thing i need.
since our bathrooms are connected.. the pluming is all connected.. this might have also helped the bathtub problem even tho that guy came yesterday and he took apart the 'plunger" that holds water in the tub and it wasn't working ne how.. but water still filled up last night when i showered. soooo hopefully this will fix it. cus its annoying. but yea...
this is what i get for loving old, vintage, antique things.
its what i get for living in an old apt.
butttt... i think its worth it....
i'm the first tenent in this apt since the company that owns in now has owned it.they didn't know all these things were happening.
so i'm pretty occupied right now.butttt my dad might be coming down this weekend & this weekend seems liek its going to busy and hopefully FUNFUNFUN.
but i dont see how i've really changed since the beginning of summer like mike says i have... like negatively how ive been yelling and just saying negative things and just not being myself i guess.
i dont know.
just not giving him a chance to do things.? i dont know.
but i hope i change back cus i dont want to loose him. he didn't tell me til he got fed up with it.
i'm like uhh you need to tellll me asap. when stuff like that happens
but anyhow.
so he is coming to see me tomorrow. which makes everything a lot better i think.. for the most part..
right now. its exciting.
adam and i were like arguing/debating yesterday and it was REALLY getting to me.. just about music and whatever else. buttttt.. whatever.
he had some girl over last night @ 12.. whatever.......it wasn't like that but yea.
i need to loosen up again. i'm really uptight and tidy here. i like being tidy tho.
adams room is bigger.
i gave him the master when we moved in.. cus he has a "queen bed" its like a full. but whatever.
i'm comfy in my room cus (its a few feet smaller.... ) i'm using to being kinda 'cramped" at my house in oakridge.. i had a big room but there was BIG furniture in there. and i was always kinda 'cramped'. but i was cozy.. it is here too.
everything just fits and i like it.. but he is like wasting the privlage of masterbedroom.. the reason i gave it to him is cus i dont care about that. i dont wanna cause drama and make a big deal outta it.
he said i coulda had the room if i wanted it. but i dont know what i would have done with it. it has a HUGE closet and 1/2 bath.. but i get the bigger bathroom to myeslf, he just uses the shower. i'm already settled in this room. but i wish he would just more with his room, but im not his boss , parent or girlfriend so whatever. i dont want to be either.. i guess i'm bossy. oh well..
brooke is on her way over! hurrah!
that is neat, she has an apt down here too now.
no class tomorrow cus its a working lab and we have no assignments yet sooo
yay.
adam is getting a tattoo right now. for his mom... she died in 1999.
so that is neat.
but yea.......
i dont know. i have been thinking about that other room, but i guess im cozy here. i'll get settled in asheboro soon here.
comfy doens't come easy i guess, but i'm getting there.
only cried about the sink this morning. that was highly unpleasent.
but i'm making friends slowly but surely..anddddddddddddddddddddddddd soon things will be better.
hurray for being optimistic and meaning it.
that feels really good actually...
=]
well i'm out <3
♥
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Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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| Time: | 3:39 pm. |
| Mood: | sad. | | Music: | fruitbats - when you luv sumbody. |
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i miss my bed.
my house.
my puppies..
my friends.
my parents.
even my sister and my nephew. my little sister got her license today.
wow.
i can't believe this. i haven't really ever been this continually just melancholy for so long.. its only been like almost 4 dayst oo.
but i'm already like loosing my appiatite.
i've cried @ least two times everyday.
i've cried everyNIGHT before i've gone to sleep.. i just can't help it.
i never thought i'd be homesick.
but i am..
and i just read maria shrivers book called "and one last thing before you go.." my aunt gave it to me for graduation.
i read a book. that made me feel good.. but it helped.. some. it talked alot about courage. and being strong.. and i know this moving out and living on my own pretty much will be making me stronger. i hope.
i miss really being... worriless compaired to now. god i hope i don't go insane.
i think hannah is coming over tonight.. and i hope that will help... adam is going to get her i hope.
that'd be awesomme...
we had people over last night.
david, tyler, and cori. cori is my new best bud. we have so much incommon its silly.
and that was good.. it was nice to have people here.
but i miss the familar things.. a lot.
like my parents.
my house.
my town.
my boyfriend.. oh god i miss him.
my friends.
its just.. a lot.
mike & i talked on AIM last night and it was.. sad but good.
apprently i'm improving some.
but.. it still just feel. like nothing.
my room mate adam.. and david.. they are always negative and rude and mean but they are joking.. but its starting to get to me.
i dont know. that isn't helping me either. they are really shallow and whatever. they joke a lot, very harshly and they are just mean. jokingly. but its just..bleh. i know they hopefully aren't truely.. but its just.. i dont know. i want the nice.. sweet... intellictual things in life. right now.....
i am just going through a lot of changes. and i def. didn't expect moving out to have such an affect on me, but it really is. i hate it.
but i hope it will just make me stronger and more indepdent, more responsbile.
my parents say i can always come home.. but i dont want to til i get over this. get comfortable.
i cannot wait to be comfortable and get into the groove.
i just... i dont now. it just feel out of place, like a flat tire.
i want to take yoga. i might go. they say you can get a free class in august.
we'll see.
i can't wait to make more friends in class. photo classes went decent today, but yea. there aren't as many people my age as i thought there would be, but there are quite a few.
we'll see i guess.
i dont know. but i'm going to end this entry.
i dont know what i'll do. i need to go to wal-mart.
i need notebooks.
and i need to put up my lanterns..
whatever............
<3
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Sunday, August 21st, 2005
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well.
I'm now living in asheboro.
with adam.
just got back from the beach yesterday. and i drove down here last evening.
and it HIT ME hard that i was moving out. i didn't think i'd miss anything.
mike is what i'll miss the most.....
seeing him as often as i used to be will not happen.
but i'll hopefully be occupied with school a lot so i dont have to miss him so much.
i've been crying on the drop of a hat since like last night is when it hit my in the face.
HARD.
its just been really hard ajusting to moving out. i didnt think it would be this hard... but apparently this is.
i just need to get in my groove. with school. making new friends.
i've been stressed out. i gained weight... and that never boosts a girls selfessteem.
and according to mike i've been very negative and it seems that all i do yell @ him. and just been really mean and doing things that he askes me not to do.
and i'm just playing around when i do those things.. ( blowing smoke in his face, putting my feet on his windsheild)......I dont know.i just need to grow up some more. and become less stressed with my surroundings.
oh yea. there is a dead bird i came home here to yesterday., on my patio. lovely.
bleh.
we need space.
and we'll get it. more than i want i guess.
I need to work on me.
i need to start running. which i will do soon and i need to start smoking less.
i need to be more postive.. mike said i need to be like how i used to be.. i guess i've just been more on the edge lately and i guess i jumped over it last night.
whatever.
i need to relax too.
and i guess i need to just really work on being more postive like how i used to be and give him space, respect him more.. and just... chill out.
i am going to end this too.
imiss my friends a lot.
i'm going to miss katie & josh. ALOOOTTTT.
they go right under mike.
and then i need to see my friends still if time permits.
well i'm offically living here.
so.
come see me.
♥
i think me & adam are going to a movie @ 5 or something,.
i just need to get my priorites straight...
and get my life back in order.
i'm in a new place and i need to adjust, but i didn't thin it'd be this hard or effect me this much.
oh well.
hoopefully all will get better <3
♥
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Thursday, August 4th, 2005
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| Subject: | fun |
| Time: | 12:12 pm. |
| Mood: |  chipper. | | Music: | radio. 94.1 <3 80s. |
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fun..
last weekend jess & i had a sleepover.
and went to priscillas! heheh. that was fun!
and then we went to the ZOO !!
but it rained & it was yucky. but it was still fun!
we packed a picnic lunch of pimento cheese sandwiches. and mondos. it was delish. ♥ and we ate in front of the seals! =]
then i went to club odysessy with ashley, wes and jamie.. and some others.
it was WAY fun.
i wassss drunk and didn't sleep good that night.
so i was like sleepy all day on sunday.. so i just layed around.
i had my last english class on monday.
we did our oral presentations.. and adam & his brother took me out to eat dinner. it was good.
then tuesday katie & i moved my dressers to my apartment in asheboro!! <3
and hung out with adam & his dad.
and thennnn yesterday i had my psych test.. exam is on monday. then i'm done for 2 weeks and then fall starts on august 22. and ADam and I went shopping for the apartment & ate lunch @ quiznos.
twas fun.
we still need a few things. Mike & I are moving my bed down on friday. and then i dunno when my desk is going to be there.. my sister's baby shower is on saturday.. originally sunday. soo whatev.
they changed it for my aunt.
yea its from 2 - 5... and i have to go. =\ i hope its fun.
and thennnnn the cable guy comes monday... and hopefully monday will be the first night in the apartment.
i need to figure out how i'm bringing my desk down... oh well.
i'm sure this is boring as hell....
i want a pimento cheese sandwich. i've been hardcore about pimento cheese lately.
yea..
last night.
HORSETHEBAND played. it was EPICCCCCCCCC.
Mike came with me & we met Jon there. (who i havent seen in awhile) it was FUNFUNFUNFUN.
and then we went to cookout after words.
and Jon and i MIGHTMIGHT hang out today.... but its not looking so good considering i have to work @ 4 and he hasn't called me yet.
and i work 4-8. bleh.
BRITTANY IS BACK IN TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♥
i'm excited.
we are hanging out fridaynight or sunday.
maybe both?
who knows.
<3
loves it.
i'm out... oh yea.
we got a new 8weekold black schnauzer pup! she is ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
her name is lucy.
okokokok.
i'm gone <3
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O
M
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.
so i have an apartment.
my parents put the lease in their name. and its a month-to-month lease.
which is amazing.
my parents were worried that adam might leave, but i'm not worried! ♥
so i have that.
and me and adam are going tomorrow to hang out in it. with nothing in it.
we are going to eat lunch there. of i dont know what yet & i might bring something down.. some stuff. WHOKNOWS!
but i'm excited.
i'm really grateful too.. my mom and dad aren't too happy its on the bottom floor. but eh, what can ya do?
My parents are gone this weekend too... they have to go to atlanta to pick up my sister.
and I DONT HAVE TO WORK. its a blooming miracle.
!
and i dont nextweekend either apparently which is also amazing cus i wanna move in next week & get situated before my family goes to the beach on the 16th.
i wanna get everything up & running and comfy.
yaknow?
welllllllll.
i went to see fantastic4(the human torch=HOTSEX) with ashley and then we went to WAFFLEHOUSE. and i drowned myself in hashbrowns.<3
and i ate too much today.
oh well.
but now i'm going to be a bum & watch TV. i need to work on essays for psych & english tomorrow before my parents leave for atlanta and before i leave for my new apartment.
HURRAH.
<3
night.
PS.
this was fun.
You Are 22 Years Old |
22
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
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